Dolphins Know!

One of my favorite songs is by Enigma, called “Dream of The Dolphin”,and as I played it today, I thought of my dolphin experience(s), and how they helped me, and so I posted a photo feeding one.

I have sought and tried different types of therapy, workshops, retreats etc. on my journey, trying to do the “onion layers thing”, and I really have struggled to open my heart.

However, one particular workshop, I found my self alone in a lodge with an older and very wise therapist I called Audrey Hepburn.I was feeling really tired, frustrated and afraid,and after a few days of trying different methods to open the “floodgates”, I felt somewhat pleased the fortress had held, yet also sad because I really wanted and needed some healing,And so the day before I left, I was relaxing in the great room of this beautiful lodge when she walked in and told me she had something I needed. She walked over to the stereo receiver, inserted a disc, and within seconds, I heard Dolphins crying, and the fortress around my heart l hadbegan building at the age of 4 crumbled,and I was the broken child, the athlete who sabatoged his ticket to college to show “them” and I was ,the angry young adult, the man who had hurt alot of people, that I really loved because there was safety in striking first,. I was all those things again in that instant, and I was simply unable to hold it together, as I cried for 5 hours. When I think back to that day,I remember what my treatment team lead counselor said to me one day in group, way back when, “Steve, only when we surrender do we realize the battle is finally won”.I will never forget that sound, and how it went to the depths of my soul, and as in Enigma’s song,’remember the shaman, when he used to say,”man is the dream of the dolphin”

I joined an organization that does Dolphin Research and programs for special needs people interacting with them, and I became a “Dolfriend” and sponsor of a 9 year old dolphin named “Pax” (latin for peace ) thought it was cool he was born on an Easter Sunday.

If you’re interested it is DRC, Dolphin Research Center, Grassy Keys, Fla.

Peace Again

-S

Shakespere’s King Henry: No Need For A Crown

Unusual, and certainly more evolved and humble than I am at this point in my life.In Shakespere’s King Henry The Sixth, Act Three, the king is out walking in the countryside when he is seen by two men who, recognizing him as king, are puzzled by his not having on a crown,They approach and ask; “if though art king, where is thy crown, and he replies with this mindblower:”I wear my crown in my heart, not on my head.Decked not in diamonds, or Indian Stones, nor to be seen.My crown is called content, a crown indeed seldom kings enjoy”‘You go dude!, that’s a guy secure in himself.Although just a play, and a character, it does drive home to me how awesome Jesus was, trading any crown,any privilege, all the status he could ever want, to be a laid back guy, walking, wearing sandals. and changing lives.I want to be more that way

Posted by SChapman Jan 20, 2008 12:49 PM, Comments (0)

“Matthew,Fire And Rattle”!

My children are now grown, out in the world, doing their own dance, and at 46,athletic, and still “in the game”, I enjoy razing my youngest son,who is 22, and tell him,”Matt,I’m the still the baddest boy in my village”!!, and he howls, so do I!!!He inspires me, and is one of my heroes, and this story is one reason why.Matt came to live with me at 12 years old.His mother and I had divorced when he was small, and like the story,”the Prince and The King”,becoming a teenager and male, it was time for the Dad energy, and Mom needed a break.

We had big fun, and spent alot of time together.

It was a typical night for us, and just as we were preparing to call it a night, we heard a noise no one wants to hear, especially living in a condominium community, six units per building.The sound was an outside fire alarm, and as we opened our front door, the building next to ours was largely engulfed in fire!!!!

I describe the feeling I had as a gut punch, and I ran to join our neighbors furiously banging on doors, hoping to alert everybody to get out!As a community, we all joined in doing what we could, helping the firefighters,all the while,looking around hoping to see everyone we knew lived in that building, and for us, one person in particular.

I won’t use his name, but he was also a 12 years old,broken,living there with his mother, Matt had befriended him, and we embraced him, knowing he yearned for his Dad to come and visit,it did’nt matter how he felt about Mom, it was about him, and we watched him struggle with depression and abandonment.The fire had started in his unit, and as I saw his mother in the parking lot with thier puupy, my heart sank as I did not see her son.Matt and I ran to her, and she looked at us, knowing the question in our minds, and said,”he’s not here,his father finally came and took him on a trip”Rock and roll!, we did a high 5, and it was cool until a few minutes later I couldn’t find my son! Where had he gone. I frantically ran around the burning building, and just as I was launching panic mode, my neighbor said, “Steve, your son is over at the community clubhouse,making coffee for people”!My son was opening his heart and reaching out on his own.You all know that surge called parental pride!

Over the next several weeks, I would come home from my office, and find little pieces of photos, and stuff Matt was searching out in the rubble that remained of our neighboring building.One afternoon, two weeks after the fire,I got an excited phone call from my son at work, which I will always cherish.”DAD!, I found Rattle, and he’s alive!!!!.Can you believe it Dad!!!? Rattle, it turns out was our young friend’s hamster, and Matt, once again searching the rubble, saw motion and there he was!

“DAD, He smell like smoke, but he is alive”!!!!!!That afternoon, sitting in my office, I cried and could not wait to get home, hug my son and tell him that he had behaved as God does for us, he’ll never stop looking for us, and the rubble of life may damage us, but it won,t hide us from him. Also, Rattle represented each of us, like the old Sam and Dave song,”Hold On, I’m Coming”!,and he had.

And so,as a grown man, I grew that day thanks to a child and a tough little hamster named Rattle!

A Day,Thier Faces,A Place And A Tree,I Will Always See

To most anyone, it was probably just a big vacant lot, but to me, at 4 years old, it was my yard, and completely empty except for that one big tree.Next to our “yard” was a corner store, and a little apartment over the store was home to me, my mother and my little brother, who was 17 months younger than I.

My mother and father had divorced, and as a 4 year old with no other frame of reference, life was good, and because we were poor,mom told us our daily snack of lettuce on a plate, with mayonaise to dip it in, and sugar water, was many childrens favorite, and so each day I proceeded to enjoy it.And then came “that day”. It started as any other, and we went out in the yard, and as my little brother and I played, mom enjoyed sitting in the shade of that tree,and I remember her looking like she belonged right there.I turned to the street, and saw as my father pulled up in his car, and thinking it was a suprise visit, wondered why two other cars pulled up, parked behind him, and several people I did’nt recognize got out It was in the next few minutes, I believe four lives changed forever, and I entered a “maze” which, through the years as I have worked to find the exit, I have come to understand as necessary to my journey,and the experiences through the years have given my life meaning, and a story to share hopefully helping those who have entered that same maze, lost in self rejection.

As my father walked past, these other people picked up my brother and I, taking us to my fathers car, placing us in the back seat,then sitting in the front As I looked at my liitle brother, his expression showing confusion , I turned back and saw the scene forever etched in my mind. My father handed her a paper (a custody order), and turning away from her walked towards us as my mother screamed and feel to the ground, right under her big tree.My brother also screamed and began to cry.and I turned, tried to comfort him, then turning back towards mom, I started hitting the window in a futile effort to help her.I continued to go back and forth, until my father, started the car, coolly stated we were going to a new home, and began to drive away.and as we moved, I turned my attack to the rear window, watching her disappear from site, I finally collapsed in a pain I cannot describe.

I now understand that, then and there I entered the world of self rejection, which was the foundation for my low self worth, depression and addiction, as well as a desperate co dependence.You see, I had failed, because whenever someone, mostly men had come to our home, I would work my way between them and my mother, and she would rub my head and say I was her “little man”, and I would take care of her.You see,I took it literally, and as we rode away to our new home, I decided I had failed her, and I had not done my job,and feeling this, in quiet desperation, I entered the maze.Through the years,this maze became a gift because it required me to seek, persevere and hope.

I do not believe mom ever got up from that day, and my father, I know, was burdened with the realization that he had acted out of a motive to punish “her”, and he understood we had paid as they say, “hurt people unhealed, can hurt people”.

My brother has also lived and walked through the maze, and has struggled, and I am proud of him, and will gladly, eternally be big brother, and I tell him, “it’s ok ,I’ve got your back”, and it’s easy to say because I know God has mine.

I choose to share this deeply personal experience because each day,whether as parents, siblings or friends, we all must choose our actions, and when our motives blind us we hurt others, and always ourself

-_Steve Chapman copyright 2000

Welcome!

What is it and what’s it about?

I created and will publish this blog, The ChapmanPerspectives, as a source to begin, and continue, a dialog about news,views,perspectives and problems/opportunities inclusive of different perspectives, and collective wisdom, hopefully becoming an example of compromise and cooperation in action.

It begins with a commitment and willingness to consider the perspectives, needs and value of those we may consider wrong,too liberal, too conservative ,uninformed, or who’s views may be threateningly different than our own.

It is also about realizing that each and every time I give myself the benefit of seeing and experiencing a different perspective, as well as the opportunity to share my own, I grow, learn to own my bones, and broaden my world.

To those who consider this naive, I say this: Knock yourself out, call it fish food for the more evolved ,educated or worldly, and after you do, come on, join me ,be naive for a day, and for that day, lets face the obvious: the complicated, expensive and analytical solutions and plans to solve our problems have not worked, and a contributor to our failure may well be that some answers are so simple and basic, they just couldn’t be the answers.Could they?

Why not.Game on now,lets go!

Steve Chapman

sc.email@stevechapman.us

Good Friends (People)

Thoreau said,’it’s not what you look at,but what you see”.

As I look back through my life, way back!, my friend Rhonda A., has never wavered in believing in me, even through the maze of my “self will”, and beginning a new year, I want to always appreciate those who cared for me through it all.

Thanks Rhonda, you are a “light” in my world

To Michael Vick: A Message from Me and “Sundance”

This morning, I spent a long playtime with the newest member of our household, Sundance, who became a family member at eight weeks of age and is now five months old.

When we first saw him, a beautiful pit bull puppy, locked up and alone at the local animal shelter, with all the negative publicity for the breed, it seemed perfectly in line with my “against the grain ” streak that he was coming home, and be welcomed into “the pack” consisting of our dogs Mitaku(from Lakota language), Dakota(friend) and Houston, son of alpha dog Mitaku.He is now a part of us, and as a person, pet owner and citizen, I thought again of my feelings as I watched the Michael Vick coverage related to dog abuse, and have decided the following is my desire for young Mr. Vick:

Believe it or not young man, your best opportunity is yet to come, and remember the “onion”.Although I despise your conduct regarding these dogs, I am a far from perfect human being, and I refuse to give up on you, and although your behavior shows your shadow side, keep peeling the layers, as an onion, and never give up on yourself, and most importantly,you now have that greatest of opportunities I spoke of earlier, and here it us:

Every child will follow someone, just as you and I did, and by truly changing whatever you need to, you can redeem yourself into a new and and brighter “hero”, about all the right stuff, and join us in fighting for the children sitting on that life fence, watching and deciding who they want to follow.Let’s get it right!

Peace2U,

S Chapman

Quebec Firefighters:Thanks For Trying

On Sunday night, the Anchorage Inn in upstate New York became engulfed in flame, and the local firefighters, to whom I also say thanks for what you do, called for assistance from surrounding communities, and unbelievably, a near by community Fire Department from Quebec tried to respond, and were stopped and the border, denied access while they were “checked” out as the fire continued.

Now. at the same time as our northern neighbors tried to respond and were stopped, we have continued open southern borders that,  in many areas are  completely unprotected.

Come on man, this can’t happen, we have got to get on it, but to our Quebec friends, again , thanks for being willing.

S Chapman

College Football 2007: Something Extra

As an avid fan of college football, I love it each year when I wake up on that first Saturday of the season, knowing over the next few months I have those exhilarating ups, downs and nail biters to look forward to
This year has provided the same, along with a whole lot of shockers, and though they can still be called “upsets”, it has also given us the unexpected “extra” gift of a balance and the obvious, which is, any team, on any day, really can compete with any other team, bringing a pleasant excitement called something to celebrate for every fan, alumni and community, whoever it is ,at a time when as a nation we need all the good stuff we can get.

S Chapman